Uganda.

“I believe in miracles and mostly I believe in love, God’s love—big, extravagant, unconditional. His love moves mountains and changes the world, love that is freely given, that we may also freely give it to others.” Katie Davis, "Kisses from Katie"

It's been a dream that has been in my heart, always there, for so long. But it seemed out of reach, impossible, untouchable. Until about a week ago.

A week ago I started fundraising. Fundraising is required if I am to go with the foundation I am currently registered to go with. And since last Monday, I've begun to realize that this dream is actually becoming reality. Some days I feel like I'm walking around in a dream; this can't be real, can it? However, for the past week, there have also been a lot of restless nights (like tonight, for example). I toss and turn, yearning for sleep, but it evades me. My mind races, thinking of all I must do before I leave. $4500 in 45 days seems daunting at this point. Impossible, some days.

But then I remember, as God whispers to my spirit, all things are possible to him that believeth. 

Through Christ, all things are possible. All things. And God has been steadily teaching me that for the past few years. All things. His grace is sufficient.

There have been a lot of tears lately, and a lot of pleading with God. Not for myself, but for His will to be accomplished. For a way to be made straight so that I can do His will. And then more tears because my heart aches for those who suffer, aches for all the foreign pain in the world that people must relentlessly endure.

I am only an instrument in His hands. In reality, there is not much I can do while on this earth. Broken, bruised, weak, prone to sin. . . I do not have much to offer God. I am only His child, an instrument in his hands, trying my very best to obey His will. I fail, I fall, but He helps me back up. He reminds me how much He loves me, how much He loves ALL his children, and how, despite my weakness, through him, all things are possible. 

I don't know what this trip will bring. If you've been reading this blog (not sure if many do) you probably already know of my desire to work in eastern Africa after I obtain a medical degree. It's the deepest desire of my heart. I know many don't understand, but I don't expect them to. Most of the time I don't even understand. I've been thinking though, maybe this trip really isn't about me helping others, but instead about me learning more about what God has in store for my future. Maybe it's more about understanding as much as I can so that someday I can return with an even greater purpose in heart.

I don't know why I feel this way all the time, about a place and people I know so little about. I don't know why, all I know is that I do. And it's time to find out why.