Untitled.

**this post was written a long time ago, but i finally feel comfortable sharing it. funny to look back on the things that once caused us so much pain, yet we can barely even remember anymore. 

Once upon a time, I loved someone.

And for a while, it was beautiful. My spirits soared, and my love deepened. I cherished that person, and I thought they, too, cherished me. A few months of untainted bliss, living on love and the possibility of a limitless future. I would have given anything, anything, to ensure their happiness.

But I soon found that, after many months, they didn't actually feel the way I thought they did.

And I was left feeling . . .broken. . .confused. . .abandoned. . .breathless. . .

For a while, my heart ached.
It hurt to even think about, let alone live the reality.

Those months were painful. Because when you'd give anything to ensure another's happiness, but they won't even spare you a passing glance anymore, it hurts. A whole lot.

For a while, I desperately held onto the hope that they would change their mind. Because, when you love someone enough, your love can force them to love you in return, right?

Wrong.

It was a painful lesson to learn. One that seemed so unfair at the time. I cried out, asking God to teach me His purposes behind all this pain. Why did I have to experience this? If all things are for my good, then what's the good with this?

I asked myself and God that question many, many times. I cried to Him, desperate for an answer. I never did receive a definite one, but He did comfort me and let me know that with time, this too shall pass.

And He was right. Much time has passed since then. My heart is healed, and I'm ready to let go. Finally, and completely, I'm ready to trust again. To love again. To move on from past hurt and embrace the future, a future full of happiness.

I still don't know exactly why I experienced these things. But I did learn what it means to love unconditionally, despite perceived flaws. I did learn how true forgiveness--no matter the extent of their unfair wrongdoings--paves the way for complete healing, a level of healing I didn't know existed until I embraced it. I learned that it's not best to wait around for someone who won't give you the time of day, but that you can still be their friend. I learned how to forgive, to move on from deep heartache, to accept that life is not always rainbows and butterflies but to choose deep happiness regardless. The minute that I accepted that life is always going to be hard (to some degree) was one of the best moments of my life, because in that instant I also accepted that I can always choose to be happy regardless. Trials and happiness can coexist.

Anyways. . . . I still love this person. And, to an extent, I think I always will. But it's a different love now; an accepting love. Accepting of their needs, their desires, their current situation. . .a love of admiration and respect, rather than romance and affection. Some days it still hurts deep in the pit of my heart--some days a lot more than others--knowing that they'll never be a large part of my life again. Some days I still want to cry, but those days are becoming less frequent. The future is bright, because I trust in a magnificent, loving God who knows what is best, and desires it for me. Don't always settle for what you want, because often God's plan is infinitely better.

I hope and pray I never forget.