OH MY GOSH IT"S A MIRACLE!
My emotions are like an electrocardiograph right now. Or the graph of a spirometer.
Ready to hear? It has been CRAY-CRAY. (And yes I do use that word in real life, only when I feel like being a total cray-cray....ha...ha....HA)
Anyways.
So I'd say it all started about...hmmm...2 months ago. But, really just since Tuesday. I met with my Bishop again, we talked about my Mission papers, and, again, more waiting. Just like the past 6 weeks. Waiting. With no answer. With no timetable whatsoever. More waiting. At first, waiting isn't so bad. But after 6 weeks of no answer and absolutely no idea what I'm doing next semester, I was seriously feeling down. It was an all out war zone up there in my brain. I rode home from the WILK on my bike through the dark, trying to keep tears from spilling over. Trying, until I finally got home and could sink into my bed and just cry. I was about as low emotionally as I ever get. I prayed for relief, for an answer, for some hope and peace and patience! After some heavenly scripture study, I finally felt like there was hope. Hope that I could sell my contract, God willing. Hope that I could survive finals week. Hope that soon I could turn in my papers and be able to make a plan for my life. Hope that I could survive another day of work. Hope that maybe I could show some love to my roommates, and open my heart. Hope that I wouldn't feel so alone. Hope that everything would be alright because my Heavenly Father is aware of me, and that He loves me and wants me to be happy. I was given a glimpse of light and hope, two glorious feelings that are only available through my Savior, Jesus Christ.
So, I fell asleep with a brighter faith in my heart, sorry that I had doubted my Heavenly Father's awareness for even a minute. Sorry that I had let my hope slip away so suddenly, from things that aren't really that important in the whole scheme of things.
I went about my business the next day, feeling down but still hopeful. It was a long day, and around 7 pm I sat down to check my grades and answer some emails and do some homework. I pulled up the syllabus (just by coincidence) for my religion class and scrolled down. And there it was. Due December 6th, 2012 by 11pm is the final project. I had never even heard of a final project, and I had one day to complete an assignment that was supposed to take all semester.
Heart sank.
Horror sets in. Panic invades.
There were 4 options (thank goodness!). Read a book and write a 7 page paper. Write a 10 page analysis. Examine a document. Or....create a powerpoint. PHEW. I could do that! Stressed, but grateful I had another 24 hours.
I woke up the next day...4:40 am always rolls around much earlier than I plan on. Work, despite how early it is, is actually something that I enjoy. It was a good morning there. But little did I know what was about to skyrocket... I got home, and checked my email. There was message from a "fake" person in Europe trying to buy my contract. Next! Not much, but I decided to try my spam massages. Low and behold, a girl had contacted me to buy my contract! She said she wanted to sign immediately!
My emotions went up and through the roof. I danced! I sang! I squirmed on the floor because I just couldn't hold still (Weird, I know.....)! I cried a little, and praised my Heavenly Father. I had prayed for a miracle the day before, and I had truly witnessed one! In the back of my head, however, something did not feel right. Something felt...weird.
I contacted the girl and told her to come whenever she wanted, I would be here! And I would be skipping for joy and singing and dancing and celebrating! This was the 4th girl who had come to look and my contract, so this one just had to be the one who would save me from my binding contract!
I had a Spanish oral final in one hour, but like a dweeb I forgot to write down the location. So I ran to find out, although I had no plan and no idea who to contact to find out. The sign-up papers had been taken down days ago in the JFSB, but I hopped on the elevator and picked the floor I thought I had remembered seeing them at. The papers were gone, but by some miracle I just so happened to pick the floor where the Spanish Major office is located. By another miracle, someone had made copies of the sign-up sheets and they just so happened to be sitting on a desk in that very office. I found my room number and booked it downstairs to my testing room, arriving with 5 minutes to spare. I had my conversation (that's the final!) and and did way better than I thought I would. I scored Intermediate advanced, and I was on cloud nine. All in one morning I had sold my contract and gotten 130% on my final to save my Spanish grade--things were goin' GREAT!
I got home, and started cleaning for my visitor to come. I had contacted her on my roommate's phone since mine is lost, and I was just waiting to hear back from her as to when she wanted to come. Not too long later, I heard my roommate gasp ever so slightly. A few moments of silence. "Oh Em, I'm so sorry. She said selling her contract fell through so she won't be able to buy yours. I'm so sorry."
Heart sinks.
So that's why it felt off when she first contacted me.
Sadness.
But, I had learned the night before that I must not let little things steal away my hope. I was sad, but i still believe it can and will be sold! God willing, of course:)
So, you can see, that is a lot of extreme emotions in a few short days. But, it continued...dun dun dun.
After all this commotion, I started to work on my final project. The one that I had learned about the day before. I had to finish it before 5 so I could come home from class at 8 and take the 5 quizzes I still had to complete (bad choice on my part to leave them til the last day...). I worked from 11am to 5pm, and thought I just needed one more hour after class. I came home at 8, frantically trying to finish...around 10:30, I'm almost ready to turn it in. In my frenzy, I did something horrible.
Something unthinkable.
Something horrifying.
I deleted the entire project. Every minute of the 7 hour process. Gone.
And I hadn't saved it. Not even once.
Cue the horror and heart sinking and every awful emotion possible. It felt like a true nightmare!
I spent 30 minutes trying to recover it, with no hope. Nothing was working. It was gone.
I sent my professor a hopeless email and came to the realization that I would have to re-do it the next day.
So, that brings me to today. The day I was supposed to re-do it. I sat down with a heavy heart, not willing to believe that the project was actually gone. I said another prayer, asking God for a miracle. Anything. Something. Just, a miracle.
The thought entered my mind to check a website I had read the night before about uncovering lost documents. I went back to it, kept scrolling down, and realized that there was more to the document than I had noticed the night before. A post labeled "How to recover a document that was never saved."
DING DING DING! That's me!
So, I did as it said, and lo and behold, there was my little powerpoint, in the exact location the website said it would be. My little powerpoint; lost, but not forgotten.
Of course, you can imagine how I felt. I went back to cloud nine. Emotions sky rocketed. Lots of singing and praising and dancing. God answered my prayers yet again and showed me that He is aware. He is watching over me. He will never leave me alone, and He wants me to be happy. I am so grateful that He has blessed me with a roller-coaster of a week, so that I can be reminded that He loves me. I'm so grateful He trusts me with hard things, so I can learn and grow, and learn to rely on Him more fully. I'm grateful that I was reminded this week how vital it is to not let temporary things of this world shake my faith.
I know that He loves me, And I love Him. Don't let anything--no matter how big or small--steal away your hope in Him and His eternal plan. Keep your faith, and God will always bless you with miracles. Maybe big, maybe small, but miracles nonetheless.
Ready to hear? It has been CRAY-CRAY. (And yes I do use that word in real life, only when I feel like being a total cray-cray....ha...ha....HA)
Anyways.
So I'd say it all started about...hmmm...2 months ago. But, really just since Tuesday. I met with my Bishop again, we talked about my Mission papers, and, again, more waiting. Just like the past 6 weeks. Waiting. With no answer. With no timetable whatsoever. More waiting. At first, waiting isn't so bad. But after 6 weeks of no answer and absolutely no idea what I'm doing next semester, I was seriously feeling down. It was an all out war zone up there in my brain. I rode home from the WILK on my bike through the dark, trying to keep tears from spilling over. Trying, until I finally got home and could sink into my bed and just cry. I was about as low emotionally as I ever get. I prayed for relief, for an answer, for some hope and peace and patience! After some heavenly scripture study, I finally felt like there was hope. Hope that I could sell my contract, God willing. Hope that I could survive finals week. Hope that soon I could turn in my papers and be able to make a plan for my life. Hope that I could survive another day of work. Hope that maybe I could show some love to my roommates, and open my heart. Hope that I wouldn't feel so alone. Hope that everything would be alright because my Heavenly Father is aware of me, and that He loves me and wants me to be happy. I was given a glimpse of light and hope, two glorious feelings that are only available through my Savior, Jesus Christ.
So, I fell asleep with a brighter faith in my heart, sorry that I had doubted my Heavenly Father's awareness for even a minute. Sorry that I had let my hope slip away so suddenly, from things that aren't really that important in the whole scheme of things.
I went about my business the next day, feeling down but still hopeful. It was a long day, and around 7 pm I sat down to check my grades and answer some emails and do some homework. I pulled up the syllabus (just by coincidence) for my religion class and scrolled down. And there it was. Due December 6th, 2012 by 11pm is the final project. I had never even heard of a final project, and I had one day to complete an assignment that was supposed to take all semester.
Heart sank.
Horror sets in. Panic invades.
There were 4 options (thank goodness!). Read a book and write a 7 page paper. Write a 10 page analysis. Examine a document. Or....create a powerpoint. PHEW. I could do that! Stressed, but grateful I had another 24 hours.
I woke up the next day...4:40 am always rolls around much earlier than I plan on. Work, despite how early it is, is actually something that I enjoy. It was a good morning there. But little did I know what was about to skyrocket... I got home, and checked my email. There was message from a "fake" person in Europe trying to buy my contract. Next! Not much, but I decided to try my spam massages. Low and behold, a girl had contacted me to buy my contract! She said she wanted to sign immediately!
My emotions went up and through the roof. I danced! I sang! I squirmed on the floor because I just couldn't hold still (Weird, I know.....)! I cried a little, and praised my Heavenly Father. I had prayed for a miracle the day before, and I had truly witnessed one! In the back of my head, however, something did not feel right. Something felt...weird.
I contacted the girl and told her to come whenever she wanted, I would be here! And I would be skipping for joy and singing and dancing and celebrating! This was the 4th girl who had come to look and my contract, so this one just had to be the one who would save me from my binding contract!
I had a Spanish oral final in one hour, but like a dweeb I forgot to write down the location. So I ran to find out, although I had no plan and no idea who to contact to find out. The sign-up papers had been taken down days ago in the JFSB, but I hopped on the elevator and picked the floor I thought I had remembered seeing them at. The papers were gone, but by some miracle I just so happened to pick the floor where the Spanish Major office is located. By another miracle, someone had made copies of the sign-up sheets and they just so happened to be sitting on a desk in that very office. I found my room number and booked it downstairs to my testing room, arriving with 5 minutes to spare. I had my conversation (that's the final!) and and did way better than I thought I would. I scored Intermediate advanced, and I was on cloud nine. All in one morning I had sold my contract and gotten 130% on my final to save my Spanish grade--things were goin' GREAT!
I got home, and started cleaning for my visitor to come. I had contacted her on my roommate's phone since mine is lost, and I was just waiting to hear back from her as to when she wanted to come. Not too long later, I heard my roommate gasp ever so slightly. A few moments of silence. "Oh Em, I'm so sorry. She said selling her contract fell through so she won't be able to buy yours. I'm so sorry."
Heart sinks.
So that's why it felt off when she first contacted me.
Sadness.
But, I had learned the night before that I must not let little things steal away my hope. I was sad, but i still believe it can and will be sold! God willing, of course:)
So, you can see, that is a lot of extreme emotions in a few short days. But, it continued...dun dun dun.
After all this commotion, I started to work on my final project. The one that I had learned about the day before. I had to finish it before 5 so I could come home from class at 8 and take the 5 quizzes I still had to complete (bad choice on my part to leave them til the last day...). I worked from 11am to 5pm, and thought I just needed one more hour after class. I came home at 8, frantically trying to finish...around 10:30, I'm almost ready to turn it in. In my frenzy, I did something horrible.
Something unthinkable.
Something horrifying.
I deleted the entire project. Every minute of the 7 hour process. Gone.
And I hadn't saved it. Not even once.
Cue the horror and heart sinking and every awful emotion possible. It felt like a true nightmare!
I spent 30 minutes trying to recover it, with no hope. Nothing was working. It was gone.
I sent my professor a hopeless email and came to the realization that I would have to re-do it the next day.
So, that brings me to today. The day I was supposed to re-do it. I sat down with a heavy heart, not willing to believe that the project was actually gone. I said another prayer, asking God for a miracle. Anything. Something. Just, a miracle.
The thought entered my mind to check a website I had read the night before about uncovering lost documents. I went back to it, kept scrolling down, and realized that there was more to the document than I had noticed the night before. A post labeled "How to recover a document that was never saved."
DING DING DING! That's me!
So, I did as it said, and lo and behold, there was my little powerpoint, in the exact location the website said it would be. My little powerpoint; lost, but not forgotten.
Of course, you can imagine how I felt. I went back to cloud nine. Emotions sky rocketed. Lots of singing and praising and dancing. God answered my prayers yet again and showed me that He is aware. He is watching over me. He will never leave me alone, and He wants me to be happy. I am so grateful that He has blessed me with a roller-coaster of a week, so that I can be reminded that He loves me. I'm so grateful He trusts me with hard things, so I can learn and grow, and learn to rely on Him more fully. I'm grateful that I was reminded this week how vital it is to not let temporary things of this world shake my faith.
I know that He loves me, And I love Him. Don't let anything--no matter how big or small--steal away your hope in Him and His eternal plan. Keep your faith, and God will always bless you with miracles. Maybe big, maybe small, but miracles nonetheless.
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