My Life Could Change Tomorrow.
Tomorrow could be the day. The day my mission call to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints finally comes. After over 3 months of waiting, tomorrow could be the day that the wait ends, and a new journey begins. The day I have looked forward to with my entire heart and soul. It doesn't feel real. How can it be?!
Let me explain.
January 1st, 2012. The first day of a brand new year. As I contemplated the year 2011, I relieved all of the many changes. Graduating high school. Moving to a completely new town, where I knew almost no one. Running cross country for BYU, only to have those dreams quietly slip away. A year of growth and trial, but also year of abundance, and full of so many blessings. The Lord truly opened the windows of Heaven and poured blessings out upon me. But on this day, January 1st, 2012, I had a very distinct impression that my life would change drastically during the year 2012. I did not know what would happen, but I knew that I needed to get my life in order. I did not know why, but I could not deny the feelings I felt. The rest of the year was a time of rich blessings, and strong guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was a time of much growth in every aspect of my life. My Heavenly Father was truly looking over me and guiding my every step, preparing me for something more. Of this I know.
October 6th, 2012. A day that I could never forget. The emotions of that day are still so vivid. Emotions so strong that I could never erase them from my memory.
I had sat down on my couch, just me, alone in my living room. My laptop was propped on a small table in front of me. I had sat down with a heart full of so many questions, a question about nearly every aspect of my life. Questions that I needed answers to. Little did I know that my life would completely change that day. And that with one short announcement all of my questions would be answered.
President Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints made an announcement that I truly believe changed, and will continue to change, the world. As a mouthpiece of the Lord and our Father above, President Monson announced that the minimum age for full-time Missionary service would be lowered. Age 19 for Sisters. Age 18 for Elders. It was effective immediately. Immediately.
I will never be able to explain what I felt in full, but it was almost like electricity, coursing through my veins and igniting my body and soul. I had never felt so alive. I can't place proper words to what I felt, but in that moment, I knew that the Lord needed me as a missionary. I knew it, and God knew that I knew it. He had been preparing me all along, each step of every day of my life, and especially the past year. And now I knew why.
I immediately made an appointment to meet with my Bishop, for the following Tuesday night. The entire rest of the day was a blur of total exhilaration. I could not focus. I could not sit still. I could not do anything but glory in the miracle that I had experienced.
Two weeks passed as I completed my papers and attended doctors and dentist appointments, received immunizations, had blood drawn, and finally, met with my bishop a second time to have my papers finalized so they could be sent to the Stake President, and from there, be sent to Salt Lake where I would be assigned a location to serve. My goal to leave was early January.
During this time, I learned of the reality of Satan. The temptations I felt and the doubtful feelings of my ability to serve were in full-force. I had many second guesses about my decision. But as time went on, and over the course of the proceeding months, the Lord eased my worries and showed me that with Him, I would be capable.
October 23, 2012. I met with Bishop. I gave him my paperwork. We talked about my worthiness to serve as an ambassador in the Lord's work. He looked over my papers, and was quiet for a while. He began to speak, and told me that sometimes extra steps must be taken before papers to serve can be submitted. Because of my health history, I would have to complete some additional steps. My heart sank. As I left his office that night, I tried to be optimistic. I tried, but before I knew it the tears were coming. I was truly heartbroken.
I wrote in my journal that night, with a heavy heart:
At that time, I didn't realize how vital patience would be in the coming months.
After some additional testing and meetings with health personnel, I continued to wait. My bishop said it would take about a week of additional testing and then all would be right. However, that week turned into weeks, which turned into months...And all the while, I continued meeting with health professionals, Bishops, the Stake President. I felt like a rag-doll because no one would give me closure. No one would explain why I had to keep meeting with people and telling the same story over and over again. It was truly a heartbreaking, confusing experience. There were a few nights filled with tears, and one distinct night that I felt completely void of any hope. But all the while, my Heavenly Father was watching over me. He was guiding me along, and teaching me every step of the way. He was continuing to prepare me, and helped me overcome every feeling of hopelessness. He helped me overcome my feelings of weakness and incapability to serve as a missionary. He filled me with hope when I felt hopeless, and love when I felt utterly alone. Little by little, He eased me into the idea of waiting another semester to serve. He showed me that when we give our will over to His, He can change our hearts and desires so that what He has in store becomes what we want most of all.
December 19th, 2012. Finally, near the end of December, I received some closure. Finally, someone communicated with me what was going on. Finally. Like a deep, clean breath of fresh air. After coming home for Christmas, I met with my home Stake President and he informed me that there had been a lot of misunderstandings. A LOT. They had said to be completely honest with the Lord as I filled out my papers, so I did just that. I had been too honest on my paperwork, making a mountain out of a molehill. He told me that everything was fine and that He would submit my papers himself.
I have pondered many times whether or not I wish I had just left my health history blank rather than including every minute detail. But every time I feel that I what I had done was part of God's plan. He needed me to wait just a little longer. He needed me to wait because I had more to learn. He had more to teach me.
January 5th, 2013. A new year has come again. Much happened in 2012, and I would dare to say that it was the best year of my life. I called my bishop on this day, the 5th of January, almost a year to the date that I had felt so impressed that something life-changing would soon happen. I asked him about my papers, and he said he had already submitted them days earlier. I could not believe my ears. The day I had anticipated with my whole soul for 3 long months had come and gone, without any awareness on my part. But I was filled with so much gratitude, and complete peace. With the Lord, all would be right.
It may not seem like a big deal to most people, waiting a few months. But I knew that I was to serve a mission. The emotions I felt on the 6th of October, 2012, were mind-blowing, yet so real. I could not deny what I knew and wanted with my whole soul, yet my righteous desire could not come to pass, no matter how hard I tried. I was denied what I wanted time after time after time, with no end in sight. Again and again my emotions soared with the hope that the wait would end, only to be torn down relentlessly. I did not know when the wait would end. For months I did not know what would happen. But I did learn that sometimes the Lord lets us struggle, and it feels as if we are alone, but in reality He is there holding our hand the entire time. He knows what is best, and I am grateful that He is in charge. I learned, above all, that because of the Savior's Atonement, hope can remain even when your situation does not.
I am so grateful that I had to wait. I am so grateful that He was willing to break me down so that He could build me up stronger, with more faith and trust in Him, as well as a greater desire and willingness to submit my will to His. I am so grateful that I felt so alone many a day, so that He could fill me with His love and provide me with the hope that none other could deliver. I am so grateful that it was so hard, because I truly know that it is through our darkest times that we experience the most growth. And I know that He carried me every step of the way, even on those days that I felt a little sorry for myself. Because I had to wait, my gratitude for the opportunity to serve is that much stronger, and my love of my Heavenly Father and Savior has increased ten-fold. I did not know it could increase, but He has shown me that I do not always know the extent of His love and power. Because I had to wait, I feel more confident in my ability to serve, because the Lord is on my side and will never leave me. I'm grateful I had to wait, because it has allowed me to turn my will over to Him completely. Wherever He needs me, I will happily go and give my whole heart and soul to His people.
I do not know what tomorrow holds. I thought my call would come last week, but it did not. I'm grateful my wait had to continue, because it has allowed my gratitude and excitement to increase even more so. So, what ever tomorrow brings, I will trust in my God and press forward with a heart full of gratitude and optimism, because He truly knows what is best.
I guess we'll see tomorrow! ;)
Let me explain.
January 1st, 2012. The first day of a brand new year. As I contemplated the year 2011, I relieved all of the many changes. Graduating high school. Moving to a completely new town, where I knew almost no one. Running cross country for BYU, only to have those dreams quietly slip away. A year of growth and trial, but also year of abundance, and full of so many blessings. The Lord truly opened the windows of Heaven and poured blessings out upon me. But on this day, January 1st, 2012, I had a very distinct impression that my life would change drastically during the year 2012. I did not know what would happen, but I knew that I needed to get my life in order. I did not know why, but I could not deny the feelings I felt. The rest of the year was a time of rich blessings, and strong guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was a time of much growth in every aspect of my life. My Heavenly Father was truly looking over me and guiding my every step, preparing me for something more. Of this I know.
October 6th, 2012. A day that I could never forget. The emotions of that day are still so vivid. Emotions so strong that I could never erase them from my memory.
I had sat down on my couch, just me, alone in my living room. My laptop was propped on a small table in front of me. I had sat down with a heart full of so many questions, a question about nearly every aspect of my life. Questions that I needed answers to. Little did I know that my life would completely change that day. And that with one short announcement all of my questions would be answered.
President Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints made an announcement that I truly believe changed, and will continue to change, the world. As a mouthpiece of the Lord and our Father above, President Monson announced that the minimum age for full-time Missionary service would be lowered. Age 19 for Sisters. Age 18 for Elders. It was effective immediately. Immediately.
I will never be able to explain what I felt in full, but it was almost like electricity, coursing through my veins and igniting my body and soul. I had never felt so alive. I can't place proper words to what I felt, but in that moment, I knew that the Lord needed me as a missionary. I knew it, and God knew that I knew it. He had been preparing me all along, each step of every day of my life, and especially the past year. And now I knew why.
I immediately made an appointment to meet with my Bishop, for the following Tuesday night. The entire rest of the day was a blur of total exhilaration. I could not focus. I could not sit still. I could not do anything but glory in the miracle that I had experienced.
Two weeks passed as I completed my papers and attended doctors and dentist appointments, received immunizations, had blood drawn, and finally, met with my bishop a second time to have my papers finalized so they could be sent to the Stake President, and from there, be sent to Salt Lake where I would be assigned a location to serve. My goal to leave was early January.
During this time, I learned of the reality of Satan. The temptations I felt and the doubtful feelings of my ability to serve were in full-force. I had many second guesses about my decision. But as time went on, and over the course of the proceeding months, the Lord eased my worries and showed me that with Him, I would be capable.
October 23, 2012. I met with Bishop. I gave him my paperwork. We talked about my worthiness to serve as an ambassador in the Lord's work. He looked over my papers, and was quiet for a while. He began to speak, and told me that sometimes extra steps must be taken before papers to serve can be submitted. Because of my health history, I would have to complete some additional steps. My heart sank. As I left his office that night, I tried to be optimistic. I tried, but before I knew it the tears were coming. I was truly heartbroken.
I wrote in my journal that night, with a heavy heart:
"I know that the Lord is blessing me as I press forward in faith. I feel His hand in my life everyday. These past weeks have been so overwhelmingly full of His love. My heart has been and continues to be so very full with love, hope, and peace. And something to remember: PATIENCE."
At that time, I didn't realize how vital patience would be in the coming months.
After some additional testing and meetings with health personnel, I continued to wait. My bishop said it would take about a week of additional testing and then all would be right. However, that week turned into weeks, which turned into months...And all the while, I continued meeting with health professionals, Bishops, the Stake President. I felt like a rag-doll because no one would give me closure. No one would explain why I had to keep meeting with people and telling the same story over and over again. It was truly a heartbreaking, confusing experience. There were a few nights filled with tears, and one distinct night that I felt completely void of any hope. But all the while, my Heavenly Father was watching over me. He was guiding me along, and teaching me every step of the way. He was continuing to prepare me, and helped me overcome every feeling of hopelessness. He helped me overcome my feelings of weakness and incapability to serve as a missionary. He filled me with hope when I felt hopeless, and love when I felt utterly alone. Little by little, He eased me into the idea of waiting another semester to serve. He showed me that when we give our will over to His, He can change our hearts and desires so that what He has in store becomes what we want most of all.
December 19th, 2012. Finally, near the end of December, I received some closure. Finally, someone communicated with me what was going on. Finally. Like a deep, clean breath of fresh air. After coming home for Christmas, I met with my home Stake President and he informed me that there had been a lot of misunderstandings. A LOT. They had said to be completely honest with the Lord as I filled out my papers, so I did just that. I had been too honest on my paperwork, making a mountain out of a molehill. He told me that everything was fine and that He would submit my papers himself.
I have pondered many times whether or not I wish I had just left my health history blank rather than including every minute detail. But every time I feel that I what I had done was part of God's plan. He needed me to wait just a little longer. He needed me to wait because I had more to learn. He had more to teach me.
January 5th, 2013. A new year has come again. Much happened in 2012, and I would dare to say that it was the best year of my life. I called my bishop on this day, the 5th of January, almost a year to the date that I had felt so impressed that something life-changing would soon happen. I asked him about my papers, and he said he had already submitted them days earlier. I could not believe my ears. The day I had anticipated with my whole soul for 3 long months had come and gone, without any awareness on my part. But I was filled with so much gratitude, and complete peace. With the Lord, all would be right.
It may not seem like a big deal to most people, waiting a few months. But I knew that I was to serve a mission. The emotions I felt on the 6th of October, 2012, were mind-blowing, yet so real. I could not deny what I knew and wanted with my whole soul, yet my righteous desire could not come to pass, no matter how hard I tried. I was denied what I wanted time after time after time, with no end in sight. Again and again my emotions soared with the hope that the wait would end, only to be torn down relentlessly. I did not know when the wait would end. For months I did not know what would happen. But I did learn that sometimes the Lord lets us struggle, and it feels as if we are alone, but in reality He is there holding our hand the entire time. He knows what is best, and I am grateful that He is in charge. I learned, above all, that because of the Savior's Atonement, hope can remain even when your situation does not.
I am so grateful that I had to wait. I am so grateful that He was willing to break me down so that He could build me up stronger, with more faith and trust in Him, as well as a greater desire and willingness to submit my will to His. I am so grateful that I felt so alone many a day, so that He could fill me with His love and provide me with the hope that none other could deliver. I am so grateful that it was so hard, because I truly know that it is through our darkest times that we experience the most growth. And I know that He carried me every step of the way, even on those days that I felt a little sorry for myself. Because I had to wait, my gratitude for the opportunity to serve is that much stronger, and my love of my Heavenly Father and Savior has increased ten-fold. I did not know it could increase, but He has shown me that I do not always know the extent of His love and power. Because I had to wait, I feel more confident in my ability to serve, because the Lord is on my side and will never leave me. I'm grateful I had to wait, because it has allowed me to turn my will over to Him completely. Wherever He needs me, I will happily go and give my whole heart and soul to His people.
I do not know what tomorrow holds. I thought my call would come last week, but it did not. I'm grateful my wait had to continue, because it has allowed my gratitude and excitement to increase even more so. So, what ever tomorrow brings, I will trust in my God and press forward with a heart full of gratitude and optimism, because He truly knows what is best.
I guess we'll see tomorrow! ;)
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