True Conversion

Hey, y'all! I wrote this paper for my New Testament class. I'm posting it for myself, so I can go back and remember it. I don't want to forget. Read it if ya want, don't read it if ya don't ;)

 

 

 

My Process of Conversion

If I was to explain every step of my conversion process, this paper would be a novel, without exaggeration. My conversion began many years ago, and has deepened time and time again because of special spiritual experiences granted to me by my Heavenly Father—experiences that cannot be described and comprehended by the mind but instead felt with the heart.

My process of conversion was not a one-time deal. It has come as a result of numerous spiritual impressions and feelings over the course of my lifetime. Heavenly Father and my Savior have manifested their love, concern, and awareness of me so many times throughout the short course of my life, and because of His continuous presence I cannot doubt His love nor His awareness or existence. All throughout my life my Heavenly Father has truly been looking over me and guiding my every step, preparing me for future trials and experiences. When I have felt physically alone or emotionally exhausted, my Savior has held my hand and, through the Holy Spirit, given comfort to my soul. He has eased my pains, and lessened my worries when I thought they would overtake me. When I had no other friend, He was there to lift my spirits and fill me with hope. I have never been alone, of this I know.

However, the deepest part of my conversion has come in the past year. There have been a few distinct moments of intense personal revelation given to me throughout the course of my life, and January 1^st, 2012 was one of those times. I received from my Heavenly Father a discrete impression that my life would be changing in the upcoming year. The remainder of the year was a time of rich blessings, and strong guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was a time of much growth in every aspect of my life. My Heavenly Father was truly looking over me and guiding my every step, preparing me for something more. Then, on October 6th of that same year, an announcement was made by President Monson, through revelation from God, that Sisters could serve missions at the younger age of 19. I will never be able to explain what I felt in full, but it was almost like electricity, coursing through my veins and igniting my body and soul. I had never felt so alive. I can't place proper words to what I felt, but in that moment, I knew that the Lord needed me as a missionary. He had been preparing me all along, each step of every day of my life, and especially the past year. And now I knew why. The Lord had a work for me to do, but I had needed prior preparation.

I began to fill out my papers, and nothing seemed to go right. I had to wait months in order to finally submit my papers because of some misunderstandings. I kept pushing forward, however, and felt the love of my Savior so strongly, especially during times when all hope seemed lost. There were nights of heartache and tears, but my Savior was there to comfort me, just like He has been so many times before. This period of waiting changed my life, and taught me so many important lessons that I needed to learn and that I value above all else. After all was said and done, I finally received my call on the 26th of January, but upon removing it from the mailbox, something did not feel right. I tried so hard to shake those feelings--through prayer, scripture study, journal writing, watching my favorite video on the Atonement, but something still felt terribly wrong. I did not know why. I'm still not sure.

I opened my letter and received my call to the one place that I said I did not want to go--not because the weather is bad or anything like that, but because of some painful experiences that I associated with that location. Additionally, my report date was for March 13th, two months before school ends. I broke down into tears, and was so upset. For one day I felt almost betrayed by my Heavenly Father. I had waited so long for this?! They were awful, terrible feelings to have, and completely inaccurate in every way. I'm ashamed to admit them, but they are essential to the deepening of my conversion. After one day of sadness, Heavenly Father helped to show me why I received this call. He wanted me to completely accept His will, even when it was the opposite of my own. I told Him I would give my life to Him and His will, and now I needed to show it. It is a hard thing, to accept God's will when it is truly the exact opposite of what we want, but I am so incredibly grateful that He allowed me to have this whole experience--from enduring the wait and uncertainty of submitting my papers, to being called somewhere against my desires. I have felt His love and guidance stronger than ever, and our relationship has increased tenfold, simply because I have learned to completely accept His will in action rather than just word. I know without a doubt that the Savior suffered not only to pay for my sins and weaknesses, but also for my pains so that He could bring comfort to my heart and soul. I have felt His love and comfort so strongly despite my weaknesses and mistakes, and I am forever indebted to Him.

I do not know exactly what the future holds, but I do know that the process of preparing for a mission has truly changed my life. It took my faith to a whole new dimension, and has taught me what it really means to trust in God. I do not know what the future holds, but because of my faith in God and my knowledge that He is always aware and is actively involved in my life, I know that all will be well. I have learned that sometimes God leads us down one path because He needs us to grow in certain ways, but He doesn't always need us to reach the end of that path before guiding us down a new one. Whatever the future holds, I know that I have a loving Savior who can ease my pains and lift my burdens, taking me to new heights. I truly love Him with all that I am, and I know that He knows that, because He is aware of me personally. Of course there will be bumps in the road again, times when my trust is not secure, but each time He will help me overcome those bumps, reshaping my faith and building it up even stronger than before.

My conversion process is similar to both Nicodemus and the Samaritan woman at the well. I was born into the Gospel, and have believed its truth for as long as I can remember. Like Nicodemus, I "saw the kingdom" from an early age, and "experienced the kingdom" and all of its joys growing up. Because of trials and heartache, I have been able to experience the truly joy that only Christ can bring. I have "felt the wind" numerous times, simply because Christ has reached down and lifted me from the sorrows. He has helped me to change, little by little, and I know He will continue to help me.

However, my conversion story is also similar to the conversion of the Samaritan woman at the well. Just as she gradually gained an understanding of who Christ really is, so have I. I first knew Him as the Savior of the World, but I did not understand what that meant for me personally. But because He has loved me and taught me little by little throughout the course of my life, my understanding of Him and His Atonement has deepened. Despite my mistakes and short-comings, He has stayed by my side and shown me the only way to eternal happiness--through Him. Each time I fall, I gain a greater understanding of Him and His purpose in my life personally. Little by little, I have come to know Him better.