Re-realizations.

"Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

On Friday I watched Eat. Pray. Love. It helped me to re-realize somethings I want. . .
- to live peacefully.
- to live simply.
- to live PURPOSEFULLY.

None of these things require busy-ness. None of these things require big, lofty goals, but instead simplicity.  I want to live simply, balanced, purposefully. . . I want to always choose happiness, joy. . . To not get sucked into the world but instead to stand sure. "Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."

I'm so grateful that step-by-step God is helping me find myself, and has been extensively for the past two and a half years. He never helps me find myself by focusing inward, but always by looking outward to others first. I rarely learn anything about myself, about who I currently am and who I want to become, by searching inward. I've noticed that, in my life, the moments of self-discovery have always come while learning more about others. . .seeking to understand them, seeking to serve them, trying to love them.

Rarely by focusing on me.

I want to spend my life in the service of others. I want to give my whole soul--the very best parts of me that I'm still developing--to a man one day. I want to promise to love him forever. I want to commit to him and sacrifice for him, because that is truly something beautiful. It's something that scares me, but simultaneously brings me peace. Choosing to give up yourself for the happiness and welfare of another, to me, is how personal happiness and the will of God can be achieved. It's supernatural, beautiful. . . it's touching heaven.

I choose love. I choose to think before I speak. I choose to be patient with myself and others. I choose to make good decisions. I choose kindness. I choose to see the good in others, rather than focus on their perceived weaknesses. I choose compassion. I choose to ask for forgiveness. I choose to give forgiveness. I choose selflessness. I choose peace. I choose purposeful living. I choose serenity. I choose happiness. I choose CHRIST. 

I want to live in an African village one day. I want to work in a hospital, along side my family, giving all we are everyday out of pure, unadulterated love. That really is what I want to do, all the days of my life. 

I want to raise my babies on love, on sweet singing, on close dancing, on long hugs, and relationships that mean something deep and lasting. I want to show them the beauty of the world all around them. . . teach them to seek for the good in the world and others wherever they may be, and regardless of the trials they face, either due to their poor choices or the poor choices of others. I want them to understand that true joy comes from kindness and selfless service, not from the fleeting version of happiness that the world throws in their face. I want them to love living simply and purposefully, and to see the joy it can bring, as I have learned over the course of my life thus far. 

There are times when I lose sight of myself. . . when my motivation disappears and my sense of self and understanding of who I truly am and what I truly want wanes. I wish I could capture the feelings I feel now, about what truly matters and all that I truly want. I wish I could capture these feelings and never let them go . . . set them afire and let them blaze in my heart always. 

But, I do have a best friend who helps me remember often enough that the vision stays lit, the dream stays alive, and the path I have before me is clear enough that step-by-step. . .

I keep moving forward. 

I've been trying to keep this quote in mind the past few months, and even more so recently:

"You want to be good and to do good. That is
commendable. But the greatest achievement
that can be reached in our lives is to be
under the complete influence of the Holy
Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really
good and necessary to do."

- Elder F. Enzio Busche