Mysterious Answers

This semester I took a Marriage Preparation Course. I really enjoyed it, but it also was hard for me. The idea of marriage scares me, and honestly makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Sometimes I didn't want to go to this class because we often learned things that weighed very heavy on my soul. . . things of great eternal significance. That's the best way I've come to explain it: things of great eternal worth often weigh heavy on my soul, and leave me feeling anxious and exhausted. I don't think someone can really understand what I mean by this unless they have experienced similar things, but as is the case with all things in life, I suppose.

Anyways, this heavy feeling on my soul has been my emotional state for the past few months as I have pondered the idea of marriage (no, I'm not getting married for a good long while, but I still think it's a good thing to prepare in advance). Well, today I found an Anonymous Comment left on a blog that I read regularly. Her quote resonated with me deeply, and brought me much hope and peace. The woman said,

"It is hard when family members make choices we don't like. My parents divorced when I was six. I hated Father's Day because I had to admit there was no one filling that role in my life. As a child I blamed myself and thought God hated me because he didn't give me a healthy father. But as I have grown I realized that my mother made choices, my father made choices and they did not always consider my point of view or my feelings. As a child, our job is to accept their choices and learn to live with them the best we can. The Savior can heal your heart over time and take the hatred and replace it with understanding. He did this for me in a very unusual way. God asked me to do family history work for my fathers side. As I did this work I found many wonderful women who married messed up men. The strong women in my line gave me hope. I found out that my paternal grandmother shared the gospel with my father and as my mom said,"She was the only person who my father felt loved him". We cannot see everything as God sees it and we do not understand why we must suffer for the choices of others but all will be for our good in the end. I want to let you know that your childhood is a beginning but it should not be your ending. Choose to live a different kind of life. Build yourself up and become the spouse you hope to recieve. Believe in marriage and temple covenants because that is the best way to protect children. Marriage is work and there will be days that you might want to give up but turn to the Savior and he will help you endure the dark days and lead you into the light again. I have been married for almost 20 years and I have 5 children. They have always had a father in their life and they had the happy childhood I wished I had had. As an adult you will have more power to write a happy ending. I will be praying for you:) I hope God be with you at this time and may you know of his personal love and deep tenderness towards those who suffer."

Of course, this woman's young life and mine are not exact, but the similarities were enough to bring me peace and comfort. I have a wonderful mother and father who I love dearly. They support me wholeheartedly, and have taught me and raised me well. I cherish them. But I still struggle with relationships because of fears that I have about marriage. This woman's word resonated with me because she chose to not let her life be defined by fears and past heartache. I want to do the same with my future.

It's interesting to me how God answers prayers. Sometimes they come through the scriptures, sometimes they come through the Holy Spirit. . . and sometimes they come in the form of a anonymous stranger on a random blog on the inter-webs.