Of Regrets and Resolutions

I need to be a better student.

The past 2 semesters (and especially this past semester) have been really hard for me, not because of school but because of outside problems. I lost motivation. And, as a result, I haven't studied as much as I should have. I haven't done all my homework. I haven't attended every class. And now, I'm paying the price, and I'm frustrated.

I have mid B's in most of my classes, which makes me so sad. Had I just given a little more effort, I could easily have A's. Don't get me wrong, I have learned so much; so much about myself, about life, about the eternal scheme of things, and about the subjects I have been studying. But, my grades stink. And here I sit, so frustrated with myself.

I could make excuses: these past 2 semesters have been the hardest of my life. I got sick with 4-6 MRSA infections, a cold, fatigue, I was working at 5 am, and lots of other drama...but they're all just lame excuses. That's how life is sometimes, it's hard. But you don't just lose motivation. I'm so frustrated with myself.

I have the goal of attending PA school upon graduation, but if I don't get my rear in gear I'm going to find myself job-less come graduation. And it's not just about grades to get into PA school, it's about learning more about the world around me. It's about developing good habits. It's about hard work and giving myself fully to my education. It's about preparing to go forth and serve. It's about living life, and being passionate about it no matter what you're doing. If my education means so much to me, I need to stop being a sissy and get working.

I still have 3 years til graduation, so a lot can happen. But after feeling this sense of annoyance and frustration with myself, I feel so much more resolved to really give my heart and soul to my education and learning. I hope and pray I can always remember this feeling, and use it to motivate me on those days where I just feel like giving up.

BLAH.
Frustration.


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