He Is Risen.

"Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. " -Elder Holland

The past 8 months of my life have been a path of coming to truly and personally know my Savior, Jesus Christ. They have been the hardest 8 months of my life, that I can say without a doubt. In the past 8 months I have experienced the saddest and loneliest moments of my life. But I don't say that to fish for sympathy. That is not at all why I say that. I say it, because it is through these past 8 months that I have come to know my Savior, and how I have come to understand Him, His life, His Atonement, and His resurrection on a very, very personal level. I wouldn't change what I have learned for the world, because coming to know Him has and will continue to bless my life forever. I thank God every single day that He allowed me to experience these feelings and trials alone because in any other way I could not have come to understand my Savior to the depth that I have.

While I was waiting for those 4 months for my mission call, the days were very long. I yearned to serve my God, and having to wait with no timetable whatsoever broke my heart nearly every day. At the same time, I was missing my family, and yearned for a friend that I could pour out my soul to, but felt like I had none. Emotionally, I was hurting. Additionally, I was working at 5 am, and sleeping around midnight, and I was physically spent. There were some days that I felt completely and utterly alone, and the physical exhaustion added to my emotional pain. It was a rough time for me, but again, I am so grateful for the things I experienced.

Finally, on January 25th, I received my call to serve as a missionary. But when I pulled my call from the mailbox, something felt very wrong. I knelt down to pray with my call before opening it, and again, something felt very wrong. The peace I had yearned for for nearly 4 months was completely void, and I didn't understand why. I opened my call, and I received my call to the one place that I did not want to go, not because of location, but because I had experienced some very painful things that I associated with the place. I know that sounds super dumb and selfish, but it was my reality. It broke my heart, and I experienced a few very painful days after that. I remember crying to God, "Please, take this away. Please, please, please, take this away. I can't do it. Anywhere else but here. Please, take this away." And it was then, at that moment, that  I realized why I had been experiencing all the loneliness and sorrow, and why I had received my mission call to the one location God knew would bring me pain. I came to know my Savior on a whole new level that day. I thought about our Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane, before His suffering for the sins of all mankind began, when He prayed to the Father, saying "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."

Those very words ran through my mind as I begged Him to take this away from me. And it was then, alone and crying in my room, that my love for the Savior deepened. I came to understand, just a little more, how much pain the Atonement brought Him, but because of His love for me, you, and the Father, He gave up His will for us all.

I am so grateful that the Lord extended a call to the one place that He knew would hurt me. I'm so grateful, because as a result I was able to experience my very own "Garden of Gethsemane" where the Savior's sacrifice became a real, personal reality to me. Only months earlier I had turned my heart over to God and promised Him that I would spend all the days of my life in His service. I told Him I would go where He needed me, and do what He needed me to do. It was His test for me--would I really turn over my will, completely and fully, to accept His? Giving up my will when it was the complete opposite of His was a very hard thing for me. But, when I finally was able to give up what I wanted and fully accept His will, my life was filled with peace, hope, and a loving reassurance from Him that He is aware of me and my sorrow. All things are for our good when we live with an eye single to Him and His will. Coming to truly understand this concept has changed my life completely, and allowed for greater sunshine and hope to envelope my soul. Even the darkest of days can be made bright because of Him. When I turn to Him, even after a day of sorrow and sadness, peace, hope, and love fill me and remind me of what is really important in this life. Learning to a submit my will to Him in all things has strengthened my trust in Him, and His plan for me. It was given my life new meaning, and helps soften the trials of this life.

Christ walked a long, lonely path. There were very few that truly loved Him. There were very few that understood Him. He was mocked, spit upon, cursed, beaten, despised, and rejected. He did not live a glamorous life. He lived a lonely life. I'm grateful that I have been able to experience a portion of His loneliness, that at times I thought would swallow me whole. I am grateful because it has made His life and His Atonement REAL to me. Of course, I can never understand or comprehend completely, but His life and struggles have come alive. I can honestly say that He has become my truest and best friend, and as I focus on Him every day, I am filled with a hope and peace that transcends the sorrow of this world.

On this Easter day, I celebrate His life, His Atoning sacrifice, and His resurrection. Because He suffered for my pains and sorrows, I can received peace and forgiveness in this life. And Because He rose on the 3rd day, I too can live after this life. Because His gospel has been restored to the earth TODAY, not only can I live again, but I can live with the God I love, and my family that I cherish, forever.   

The last 8 months have allowed me to come to know my Savior so personally, and I can honestly say that I look forward to the day that I can run to Him, and embrace Him, and cry to Him in gratitude for His life, His willingness, and His love to sacrifice Himself for me. On this Easter day, my heart is so full of love for Him. I can never repay Him, for He continues to bless me each and every day. But I offer Him my love and will, and look forward to the day when we meet again.

HE LIVES! He lives who once was dead. He lives, my ever living head. He lives, to bless me with His love. He lives, to plead for me above. He lives, my hungry soul to feed, He lives, to bless in time of need. He lives to grant me rich supply, He lives to guide me with His eye. He lives, to comfort me when faint. He lives, to hear my soul's complaint. He lives, to silence all my fears. He lives, to wipe away my tears. He lives, to calm my troubled heart, He lives, all blessings to impart. He lives my kind wise heavenly friend. He lives and loves me to the end. He lives, and while He lives I'll sing. He lives, my prophet, priest, and KING! He lives, and grants me daily breath. He lives, and I shall conquer death. He lives, to bring me safely there. He lives, all glory to His name. He lives, my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the JOY this sentence gives, I KNOW THAT MY REDEEMER LIVES!